If you're just tuning in to this post you need to start here (Charlie's Birth Story: Part 1) . I've been working on writing Charlie's birth story over the last 2 and a half months, so the posts have been a bit spread out. Thanks!
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The tears continued to flow as I was wheeled out of my room and down the hall. I noticed as we passed the nurses station that a bunch of people were sitting there watching me. It turns out that I was the only patient in Labor & Delivery during the 3-11pm shift. It was nice to get all of the attention! I knew that JD was right behind me as we were going down the hall and Josh and the other nurses were all around. As we were going down the hall Josh explained that once we got in there they would begin numbing me up and I would feel a pinching on my belly to make sure I was good and numb. He said it was very important to let them know if I could feel the pinching because that would mean I needed more numbing medicine. Then we rolled through the double doors and were in the operating room.
I started looking around and calling out for JD. He was nowhere to be found. I didn't realize that he had been told to stay behind just outside the doors as I was prepped. I panicked and started calling out for Josh. He had stepped away to start prepping as well. One of the nurses called him over to me. I asked Josh to please pray with me since JD wasn't in there. He immediately grabbed my hand and many of the other people in the room came over and put a hand on me as well. I don't remember exactly what Josh said, but I do remember being so thankful that I was given those few moments. There wasn't anybody saying we didn't have time or blowing it off. It was very special.
I managed to scoot myself over to the operating table, but not without great difficulty and help from the nurses. My lower half was so numb! I didn't realize how much so until it was time to move. I laid down and the drape was put up in front of me. Josh introduced me to the anesthesiologist doctor and explained that he would be in there to oversee everything but that Josh would be taking care of me. A lot was happening in the room and I was still shaking and in tears. I kept asking where JD was and rambling on. I do remember Teresa coming in and whispering in my ear that she had just prayed for me before coming in. I vaguely remember her and Dr. Yarborough being on the other side of the drape and telling me that they were going to start prepping me and that we could talk about anything we wanted to.
Josh sprayed something cold on my arm because he said I needed to know what it felt like. He then sprayed from I guess around my hips all the way up to my arm pits and told me to tell him when I felt it. He said this was to be able to tell how far up I was numb. We repeated this several times. While they were doing this I was feeling the pinching feeling. I was panicking because I could still feel it and it was a sharp pain, not a dull feeling like Josh said it should be. My epidural continued to be adjusted, but I still panicked. Eventually Josh explained that they were pinching the fool out of me and that I wasn't feeling it as much as I had convinced myself.Soon after, JD materialized by my left side. I don't remember him coming in, but all of the sudden he was there. He held my hand and was talking and praying with/for me. I was still freaking out about not being numb enough, but Josh told me that they had already made the first cut. I didn't feel a thing. I even asked him at what point what that smell was... He simply said I didn't want to know.
Maybe it was the medicine, but everything was such a blur from here. It was very much a surreal out of body thing. I know I was rambling on and on, shaking, and crying. I don't even know how coherent I was, but I know I was trying to tell Charlie that he was going to be ok and that everything was going to be fine. I kept saying over and over again that Jesus loves Charlie more than I ever could so I knew that he was going to be ok. JD was holding my hand as we went through what felt like an eternity, but in reality was mere minutes.
I kept feeling the strangest sensations that I can't even explain. I could feel them inside of me, but it didn't hurt at all. At one point Dr. Yarborough called out, "PUSH!" Apparently I involuntarily started pushing! I certainly didn't do it on purpose! I couldn't feel anything! She told me to stop pushing and that she was talking to the team. Because I'd been dilated for about 4 weeks and Charlie had been sitting so low he was way far down. The nurse was having to push from one direction as Teresa pulled from the other and Dr. Yarborough lifted him out. In the midst of the fog I heard two things. One was my baby boy screaming. The other was Dr. Yarborough saying "Well that's what the problem was! He had the cord tight around his neck twice." I honestly don't remember which one I heard first. But my baby was here! And we knew why he was having the decels. As his daddy later said, he was just trying to wear a neck tie for his grand entrance.
I immediately started crying even harder than I was before and started calling out to Charlie that I loved him. I couldn't see him, but they held him up and said for JD to stand up to see him. He snapped a few pictures and sat back down to show me. In an effort to be fully transparent, when I first saw his picture I thought something was wrong with him. He was so skinny and not at all what I pictured. To be honest though, I don't know what I had pictured. We were in foreign territory now and I wasn't ready. I had read tons on being pregnant and getting through labor, but knew very little about what to do now that he was here. I just remember being relieved that he was here and that as far as we knew he was ok.
One of the nurses came and whisked JD over as they were cleaning up Charlie and weighing him. Dr. Yarborough and Teresa started the after process finishing up. I remember feeling another extremely strange sensation and asked Josh what it was. Once again, he said that I didn't want to know. I can only assume it was them taking out the placenta. I started complaining that my back was hurting. I think Josh said that it was from shaking so badly and that he was going to give me something to help with it. I was beyond thankful for him through the process.
After what felt like another eternity, but was really only minutes, I saw JD come walking around the curtain holding the most precious little bundle I've ever seen. He sat back down and showed me our sweet son for the first time. Oh the tears and the happiness. I just kept telling him over and over and over again how much I loved him. I had wanted to do immediate skin to skin contact and to try breastfeeding right away, but that clearly wasn't going to happen. I was only able to give Charlie and JD both a kiss and a "hug" before they
had to leave to go to the nursery. All along our plan had always been
for JD to stay with Charlie no matter what. On a side note- I'm so thankful to have known someone in the OR. Josh grabbed our phone from JD and was able to snap pictures of the whole thing when JD brought Charlie over to see me. Those are pictures that I will treasure for a lifetime.
Things finally started to calm down in the OR. Everyone was cleaning up around me as Dr. Yarborough and Teresa were finishing closing me up. It turns out that they must have done a good job taking their time because everyone has told me how pretty and neat my scar is. Thanks ladies! While I was waiting I asked about Charlie's stats. He was born at 8:25pm and was 5lbs 8ounces and 19 inches long. All initial signs were showing that he was a healthy little boy. He was just itty bitty. Now that he had the cord off from around his neck it looked like he was going to be fine. I thanked everyone in the room before I was rolled out next door to recovery around 9:00.
While I was in recovery I started to come out of my panicky and possibly somewhat medicine induced fog and began to get feeling back in my toes. JD came back from the nursery and told me that his parents and sister were actually arriving at the hospital right as he was walking Charlie into the nursery. He was able to talk to them for just a few minutes and explain that I had ended up having a c section. Now that the c section was over and we knew that everyone was OK, JD
went ahead and text my parents to let them know he had been born. They were still about 40 miles out and were going to have to drop the dogs off at the house before coming to the hospital. JD left his parents to look at Charlie through the nursery window for a bit while he came back to check on me.
Charlie had his first bath while JD was with him in the nursery, so it was nice to be able to look at more pictures of my sweet boy all cleaned up. I started asking over and over again when I would get to see Charlie. I had been told that if all was going well that I could have him brought to me in recovery, but I still wasn't getting to see him. Honestly I don't remember what the hold up was. I was hoping that I would get to see him before then sine it would be almost 2 hours after he was born. Even though I had seen him and seen pictures it still didn't feel real that I had a son and was a mommy. I was supposed to be out of recovery no later than 10:15.
Time continued to pass and I went through the first of my very uncomfortable exams as I had to roll from side to side in the bed and have everything checked. I my urine output wasn't high enough so I had to stay in recovery a while longer. JD's dad had gone out to pick up some food for JD since he had now missed both lunch and dinner. It was utter hell to have to smell that Wendy's while I was only allowed to eat ice chips! My parents eventually arrived at the hospital and were able to see Charlie through the nursery window with JD's family. We all just had to wait while my new meds did their job to speed up my outputs before I could finally move on to my room.
Finally at 11:15 I was able to leave recovery to be taken to my room. We let the family know that we wanted to have some time alone with Charlie before we saw them and before they got to see him. I knew that I would definitely kill someone if anyone got to hold my baby before me! JD got all loaded up with my stuff and we were wheeled over to postpartum. I said goodbye to everyone in Labor and Delivery and was on my way!
Once we got to postpartum I was all set up in my room as the nurses came in and introduced themselves and made sure I was comfortable. I got changed into a new gown, had those super hot leg massage things put on, and had them crank the air way down. I was SO hot! I was also starving and was begging for something to eat even though it was the middle of the night. The nurses said they would try to track down some Jello for me since I could only have clear liquids.
Next thing I knew my sweet baby boy was rolled into my room! It was absolute torture as the nursery nurse went over the required information with us before she handed him to me. I honestly have no clue what she said. I just couldn't wait to get my hands on that sweet baby boy of mine! Finally, at 11:35, over 3 hours after he was born, my sweet man was set in my arms and I held him for the first time. Happy tears poured from my face. I couldn't believe that I was finally getting to hold my sweet angel. After a few minutes of snuggle time the nurse helped me get started with breast feeding and then left me and JD to have some alone time.
We soaked up the snuggles for about 45 minutes and wrapped our heads around now being a family of three. A little after 12:15 in the morning we called our families and told them that they could all come back. Visiting hours were technically over at 8:30, but since that was only 5 minutes after he was born and our family had come in all the way from Atlanta they were allowed to stay. Everyone piled into our room and soaked up the baby sweetness. I wasn't ready to let go of my angel just yet so I held him the whole time they were there. We shared the story of the day with everyone and spent some time visiting. Charlie had his first BM while they were there so JD had the pleasure of changing the first awful meconium diaper while under the pressure of 4 different cameras :) About 1:30 we finally sent everyone on their way with promises of lots of snuggles and visiting time the next day.
As hard as it was, we sent Charlie back down to the nursery so that we could get a few hours of sleep. One of my nurses brought me some chicken broth because she couldn't find any Jello, and I drank it right up. At that point I was convinced that it was the best "meal" that I had ever had! It was so good! By 2:00 JD was sound asleep in the pull out chair next to me and I was settling in to bed. I had so much adrenaline running through me that I couldn't help but go through all of the pictures and videos on my phone over and over again until some time after 3am. I finally went to sleep, but not for long before the nursery was sending Charlie back to me because it was time to eat again.
I sat up with Charlie in bed and was able to nurse him for a bit while JD was asleep. I talked to Charlie for a long time and told him all about me, his daddy, his family, how much we loved him, and more. Charlie ended up getting a bit fussy and since JD sleeps like a log he managed to sleep right through Charlie's cries. I had no idea what to do to get Charlie to calm down so eventually I just instinctively started singing "Jesus Loves You" (Jesus Loves Me, but changed to Jesus Loves You since I was singing it to him).
The moment I started singing to Charlie he turned his head towards me, looked me in the eyes, and stopped crying. I'm convinced he recognized my voice from all of the times I sang to him in my belly. It was in THAT moment that he knew I was his momma, and I knew he was my baby. That was the moment when I fell in love with him. That was the moment that I knew that my heart would forever go on beating outside of my chest. That was the moment that the past nine months had been leading up to.
And I would do it all again.
